HopelesslyJoan

There is an old gag that has gone around for years, entitled “How to Give a Cat a Pill”. The advice starts off very enthusiastically, and optimistically. Simply slip a little butter onto the pill and pop it in the cat’s mouth. It ends very badly, of course, with advice on how to address wounds spurting blood ( in humans).

I have the good fortune to live with the world’s most placid and gentle of cats, Innka. He is also the one of the most ill but happy cats .So I keep forking out major money for all his ailments and he, in his lovely docile manner, endures each new indignity with grace and a certain air of detachment. He has eaten a lot of cat-nip, in his life so maybe that influences his out-look!

Anyway, here is what I now know NOT to do, to a sick cat, courtesy of dear , sweet, patient Innka. A cat who would never disembowel a beloved owner, no matter how tipsy or near-sighted that owner might be….

Innka has diabetes and requires a needle every morning. It used to be twice a day, so we have come a long way in recovery. There really is no good advice here, except to say that it does get easier! The first year I gave him shots, I managed to poke myself almost as often. I consider us “blood brothers”. I learned that bubbles in the liquid do not cause immediate death (for either of us).

Innka has a thyroid problem which requires medicine twice a day. It comes in a pen much like a magic marker, or liquid lipstick. You simply rotate it a couple of turns to get the proper dose, and apply to inner ear of (docile) cat. This stuff is TOXIC to humans, though and requires the wearing of gloves while applying. HONESTLY! You will drip it, at some point in time.

I got very cocky and being thrifty, decided I could skip the gloves. I was doing well till the day he flicked an ear and the goo went flying at my face. After that, it dripped down onto my fingers. I just stared in horror at it. I do not want to know what it has done to MY thyroid, but I wear gloves all the time now. ( Hint: your doctor always has an opened box in her office…)

Then there was the night I tried to put flea killer, “Advantage” on him. There is a spot just low enough down the back of the neck where they cannot lick it off, and poison themselves. I had had a couple of relaxing glasses of wine and felt up to this task, although I usually get a second person to help. The cat’s fur must be moved aside, so bare skin is exposed….have you got the visual? Well, even a bored cat like Innka does not like to be splayed out flat by a human arm, and poked with a smelly wet substance on his back.

He turned his head at an unnatural angle and licked furiously at the wet spot. I grabbed a wet face-cloth and rubbed equally furiously. This spread the poison all over his back, as the water seeped through the fur. Quickly.
In horror, I filled the sink and chased him down ( he had figured out that I was up to no good by then) . As he is eighteen, mostly blind and has only one tooth, he put up a very weak fight. I jammed his rear quarters into the sink water and prayed. I love this cat!

Once he was washed and dried off, I called my vet to confess and to see when he was going to convulse and die.
She was very reassurring, though. She comforted me by saying that I, at least, had put the Advantage on his exterior. Apparently, some REALLY stupid types have actually given it to their cats orally….and they survived!

Innka is an amazing cat. He is hanging on to Life by a thread. But he seems cheerful, always happy to see me, to get a pat or a treat and even a nasty poke with a needle .I don’t think he knows it, and maybe that is the secret to a happy old age. He takes the days as they come, trusts me to manhandle him as I see fit and is there in bed with me, night after night, purring and content and full of forgiveness.

I love my cat.